Want It All Back - Chapter 6

Want it all back
Chapter six: Silence

Gren was feeling exhausted, the tensions between Fade and Vicious wearing on him. He was glad tonight was his night off, though playing the saxophone would’ve been very nice right now, he’d most likely fall asleep before the evening was over. The heating seemed to have finally turned on again, the whirring audible in every room of the house. Gren had his eyes closed and was turned away from the door when Vicious opened the door, but he heard him walk in. For once, he was angry at the other man, despite what he still felt every time he looked at him. The footsteps on the carpet came closer, and the mattress bowed with Vicious’ weight.
“Do you have any idea how exhausting you are…?”
Vicious looked at Gren, lying down on the blankets of his bed.
“I could just fall asleep right now, no problem.”
Gren turned his head, so Vicious could see he was angry, but all it did was enable him to see Vicious, and that didn’t help much to sustain his anger, especially when Vicious suddenly reached out and caressed Gren’s hair with his fingertips. It hadn’t been brushed, but it still felt soft.
“I’m angry at you.”
Gren managed to say it, although he didn’t sound very convincing, and much to soft. Even so, the reaction he got from Vicious wasn’t what he expected at all. He leaned down, holding Gren’s face softly in one hand and kissed him on the lips. Gren seemed shocked but didn’t push Vicious away, or move away himself, in fact he seemed to quite like it. Only when Vicious let go of Gren he placed both hands on Vicious’ shoulders, not trying very hard to push him away. Vicious just looked at him while he tried not to look at Vicious.
“Wait…”
“Are you still angry?”
Gren nodded, he kept telling himself he was angry, only he couldn’t seem to remember why.
“You only need to tell me to stop and I will.”
Vicious started unbuttoning Gren’s blouse and Gren couldn’t seem to find a single reason why he’d tell Vicious to stop. He might be angry, but he wasn’t going to stop this just yet. At least there would be no shock this time when the shirt came off, Vicious already knew, and it was a relief to already have that behind them. Gren’s clothes were soon off his body and on the floor, and it didn’t take very long for Vicious’ clothes to follow. The ghosts in the heating were very quiet, it occurred to Gren, before he was too far gone, they might be watching from the piping along the walls.

For the third time in a row Vicious was the first to wake up, lying awake for almost an hour before deciding he wouldn’t fall asleep again, and he might as well get up altogether. He carefully removed Gren’s arms from around his neck, which was not an easy task, Gren was practically clinging to him. Although the room felt cold when he stepped out of the bed, Vicious had experienced worse. It seemed the heating was finally doing it’s job properly, still whirring away in the other room. He sorted through the pile of clothes on the ground, throwing Gren’s clothes on a chair and getting dressed bit by bit. When the pile of clothes was all tidied up, all that was left was a folded piece of paper that had fallen from someone’s pocket. Vicious felt in his pockets to see if he was missing anything, but the mystery piece of paper must have come from Gren’s clothes. When he folded it open, it said ‘to Fade’ on the first line, and that confirmed it. Vicious was about to put the note back with Gren’s clothes, when he spotted a familiar name in the writing. It was his name. He knew he should just leave the note alone, but he couldn’t help reading it.

“To Fade.
If all goes well, you’ll find this note after I’ve gone to see Vicious. Whatever happened, I didn’t come back. You know I was planning this for a while and I’ve finally found a way to contact him. I’m so sorry I had to leave like this, but it’s better than what’s in store for me if I do nothing but wait. In a way, I’m only speeding up the process, if not by much. I’m sorry I never got to thank you properly for everything you’ve done for me, but I don’t think I ever can thank you enough. Life has been hard these past years, and it’s time you start living your own again. Please keep my photos.
Gren”

It was a short note, and the content shouldn’t have surprised Vicious, but it did. When Gren had gone to meet him, he wasn’t expecting to return. If he wasn’t sleeping so peacefully right now, Vicious could have hit him, this was the same as giving up, Gren would pretty much kill himself. Still not wanting to wake Gren, Vicious quietly walked to the kitchen, where he started making a simple breakfast with the things Fade had brought. Everything was long ready by the time Gren walked into the kitchen, in a clean set of clothes and carrying his hairbrush. After the night, things had changed between them and they silently ate breakfast, cleaning up the leftovers together. Gren looked at the brush in his hands.
“I was wondering if you could brush my hair…”
It wasn’t really necessary, as Gren’s arm had healed enough for little things such as brushing his hair, but Vicious nodded and took the brush from Gren. He could feel how the little ritual calmed Gren down and at last he asked what he’d been trying to avoid.
“Why were you meeting with me..?”
Gren hummed softly and didn’t look at Vicious.
“I suppose I wanted my revenge.”
“You didn’t really want to kill me.”
There was a short moment of silence.
“…no.”
“Then why?”
Gren sighed and tried to come up with an answer, but before he could, Vicious spoke again.
“You weren’t planning to come back, were you?”
Gren smiled sadly, though Vicious didn’t see that, he was standing behind him.
“Why?”
“It wouldn’t have made that much of a difference…”
Vicious stepped around Gren, so he could see his face.
“What are you talking about?”
“You’ve seen it’s not going well with me, Vicious.”
However painful it was, the reality was as every doctor he’d seen had told him. The way he was going now, he wouldn’t live longer than a year at best. Towards the end, it would get increasingly painful for him to breathe, they’d predicted, and even if there was a change in his condition, that was no guarantee he would ever get better. It wasn’t easy to cope with, but he’d learned to as he’d learned to deal with everything else life had thrown his way. Vicious now saw Gren in a different light, his loss of weight a result of this mysterious illness, the dark lines under his eyes an omen for worse things to come. He knelt down in front of Gren, who was sitting in his usual low chair, and wrapped his arms around him. They sat close together for a moment, but when the downstairs doorbell rang, Gren had to get up to open the door. Vicious stood right behind him as Gren pushed the button and opened his front door to see who was coming. When two figures appeared in the stairway, Vicious backed away, recognising the syndicate uniform the men were wearing. Gren looked at Vicious, having noticed it too. Vicious shook his head.
“I’ll have to go. But I’ll be back as soon as possible.”
Gren could only watch as Vicious walked towards the door again, looking at Gren for a last long time before stepping out and shrugging on his coat. He talked to the other two men, but Gren didn’t hear what they were saying. He couldn’t believe Vicious was leaving so soon, but at least he said he would be back. He only closed the door when the footsteps echoing in the stairways had faded and Vicious was gone.